To New Beginnings !

Sometimes to start new we have to end everything that we know - Why? I still don't know... Probably some questions don't have any answers, neither right nor wrong, infact it is best suited that way. As they say 'dots do connect in the end' and I am sure mine will too but for now i will have to make this journey to find my questions and answers to those questions.

There is so much I want to say , so much i want to share but words simply escape me - In one short word the journey of my moving to Canada has been "transformational" so far - I am not sure if this would do justice to what i want to say but probably one day i will be able to tell the story the way I want to .. for now.. i will probably stick to penning down the Journey so far..

Where should I start , probably towards the beginning - 'inception' or when the seed was planted. It was somewhere mid of 2017 when we filed our application- to be precise April'17 but we has been thinking about it much before than that - somewhere towards the end of Nov'16 when Vinay had come back from USA and had a kind of attitude shift to the thought of experiencing living abroad. Most of these years over endless debates and arguments he had always insisted that India is where he wanted to be. I on the other hand was open to living abroad for some years but mostly I had never given much thought to it and never really researched on it objectively.

Life anyways was going on and we were getting old and comfortable with the world we had created around us.. now to think of it - it is always the world you create that you live in - subconsciously we pull in people, events and circumstances we knowingly/unknowingly want in our life - That is what i believe and will some day try to pen my own experiences on this..So coming back to point .. There was a world we had created and we lived in ...but monotony or what next or probably just the sheer sense of chasing a goal coupled with the new found exposure to the developed world - Europe trip in 2015, USA in Nov 2016 and then in July 2017 kind of changed our perspective and we thought of giving Canadian PR a chance but as always we wanted to do it on our own instead of any agency / agent etc and then began the gruelling process of filing applications, documents and the entire drill - but we did receive our PRs and i would say sooner than expected - probably its the way of God saying 'Go ahead - this is my plan for you' - Amen!

For now this is all i have to say - I have left everything in God's hand and will follow his plan for me.

Life is made of moments and in moments shall we live!

Today is one of those slight wintry evening which tend to force you look back at your past and feel warmth of old memories. I sit back and think of all the moments which might have lasted only for some minutes or hours but are etched in my memory forever. Its been years that some of these happened but still someday a strange familiar fragrance of first rain, or a scent which seems vaguely familiar will open up the memory box

24th April 2018
Mississauga

Half written words that keep on pulling you back to where you left your train of thoughts - probably its time i complete this draft so that these dont haunt me again.

In my journey of life - 30+years that just flew by - what i remember mostly are the moments that took my breath away, moments where i can see huge transformations happening - which i certainly and blissfully was unaware then. In this post i want to visit those moments one by one, as far i can go down my memory lane , and stop in those moments briefly, smelling the fragrance, seeing the people, saying my hellos and goodbyes, moving on and pen them down- so that they are not lost in the 'Sands of Time'.

What do i want to write first - dont know - but let me take a chance. Do i want to write about the time i met you first or the time i met you again. An encounter that would change the course of my life forever. But even before you, there were some defining things that had shaped me the way I was when I met you... Was it the time i left the warmth of home to go to Kanpur or even before that when I went to Delhi - Miranda House -...Or should i speak about SVBPUAT first - where is i restarted my life again?

Or even before these there are so many happy memories of growing up..of my childhood..of those silent summer afternoons of RJPM or Mahanagar where there were many beginnings, life had goals and we had strength , motivation and optimism to achieve them ...and in mid of all these years ...was a small world of mine - at the centre of which were my parents and siblings ...and we were all growing up... at that time we just couldn't wait to grow up and now i realise how much i want to go back there again!

Life was simple then, wishes were less complex and possibilities endless..It was a wonderful childhood, nothing extra ordinary but everything that was required was there. If i look back there has been a journey from then to now and what a journey it has been..

i know i had promised to write a post evry two days but last week was really really busy just couldnt find time to write though i was happy that so many new things are happening that i can talk about in my blog..

Well it was family time once again...may be i should say its a family phase once again in my life ,after a self imposed exile of 7 years ( i left the house in 2007 for my btech and then did my mba from mumbai) i am once again staying with my family and i am loving it..

May be everyone has to go through this entire cycle so as to realise the value of our family..While growing up our parents our the shoulders on which we cut our teeth..they mean the world to us,they are the shelter we run towards when the outside world becomes too hard to bear(this one fact will always stay true throughout our lives) they are the one who take us out ,our outings ,our fun,our good times are all because of them in our childhood..but growing up somehow changes each one of us,a new world suddenly opens to us,new people start entering our lives and though our parents still remain the same adoring lot we somehow drift towards other people , new found freindships and new found love takes us away from our secure shelter of unconditional love.Knowingly or unknowingly ,willingly or unwillingly we just drift away into this new world of ours...only returinng occasionally to recharge our exhausted batteries when the outside world tires us out and we always find our old home at the same place ,our parents waiting for us there as always ..who have been now accustomed to good times and fun only with us..they remain the same..may be age with time but their love and affection for us has only increased with time...it is we who change..

But after a long time when the newwness of the new found world wears away and we find that it was not all it had promised to be,when our so called friends move on ,when the love we thought would end our lonliness and suffering just turnout to be another give and take relationship,When we realise the hard truth of life that no one cares for you unless they have their own selfish interests and it is only then we realise the importance of the unconditional love of our parents who just want us to be happy ,even though it meant for them to letting us go farther and farther away from them into our own worlds..but they endured all the pain and loneliness to give us our happiness our so called space...

Its better that we realise the importance of family and parents as early in life as possible because sometimes there are no second chances!

I love you mom and dad for living your entire life around me...for doing so may things for mr that are impossible even to list down..thanks for giving me this life to live and learn..thanks for allowing me to make mistakes and learn from them even though now i realize it must be so tough for you to see me making the same mistakes again and again..thanks for being the most wonderful people in my life ..thanks for being my world!

why do i write this blog?

Good...another day of starting my blog and i find myself excited to write my second post...that is a good sign (for all those who believe in omens and paulo coehlo ,will surely understand )

Anyways before i write down something new i want to understand myself the reason why i started this blog..or may be the reason why people write a blog in the first place ,is it because they want their life to be noticed ,to be known by everyone or may be someone because they fear if know body knows what they are doing their life will be of no use.......that is the reason why people keep on updating facebook profiles ,tweeting about same mundane things of daily existence because they fear being un-noticed ,they think a life not known by everyone is not worth living...


But the reason behind my writing this blog is not that ,coz i am one person who hardly update my fb pages and most of the time my friends even don't know when i go off the social networking radar..may be this is one reason i make many friends but hardly sustain those friendships..Its not that i don't have friends its just that i am not very comfortable in big groups and all...it has always been this way as long as i remember...

I am really thankful to God for blessing my life with a few friends and a beautiful family who have always stood by me when i needed them the most,They are just not my friends and family but a part of me who understood me(took real pains to do that!) and accepted me as i am and made my life beautiful by their presence. They i know will understand the reason of my writing this blog, because they know the person i am ,one who will find cathartic nemesis in writing...and they know i have always been a girl with a diary/journal...so for me writing this blog is just a extension of my childhood act of writing a diary ,its just like talking to my soul...its an act of catharsis for me, so that i can start afresh after all the mistakes i have done in my life so far..

So i think this is my reason of writing a diary apart from that i know it somehow will satiate my need of writing something someday on a bigger canvass but the thoughts will be same,simple and sweet..

I think i should now resume working coz my boss does not pay me for writing this blog:){yes i am in my office rite,now..working 8*6 for my living, huh ...a girl has to earn her bread n butter in today's not so chivalrous world:( }

but sure i will keep on writing,and next time will write on things that are closest to my heart..

So bye till then
***

My first blog post!!!

ohk..here i go with another attempt to blog regularly...So another promise made to myself that i will try to update my blog if not everyday then once in two days to keep a tab on how my life is changing,so that after 20-25 years when i want to look back at the period when my life was shaping its destiny and following the path that determined my journey so far i can actually time travel back into these days and see the significance of the events that were taking place..

Hmmm i know its a pretty big ambition /dream and who knows what will happen in 20-25 years when we dont even know what will we be doing in next few years or months...life is changing at such a fast speed..may be as much as technology is evolving and speeding it is also fuelling time ..a few decades back things were pretty slow but steady i still remember those long summers of my childhood spent playing(and yeah not on facebook)..when the time seemed endless,things remained the same over a long period...

My small house remained pretty much the same for almost my entire childhood..the neighbourhood kids i grew up playing with were the same bunch for around 7-8 years barring one or two who left the town due to their parents transfer etc...when i compare this with the change i see in my list of friends in last 10 years i am amazed..Now i make new frenz evry year and am pretty close to them for a while then either i have to move with the everchanging life or they have to move away ..and then the usual promise of keeping in touch,trying to meet..a few phone calls..a few more months of trying to keep track and then they become just a mere name on the list of hundreds of friends on the facebook...

How strange so quickly people we know become the people we once knew...
Who is to be blamed for this..i think no one its just that as we grow up we become so much trapped in a world that demands us to behave in such a way..if we become emotional then we are left behind..we have to be practical that is what we learn as the most important lesson of growing up.

We just cannot stick to our past but have to move on...I have now realized that life is a journey that teaches us so much and all through real life examples and experiences and i feel lucky to have been able to face all the obstacles,failures and success that came my way because they all left me with a learning and made me more strong as a person..

Its not just a saying but every bad experience is a learning and its really good as early as you learn ...

Now thats the problem with me i just go with the flow ..now this post was meant to be an introductory post about what my blog would be about and here i ended with a full blown nostalgic post about life..But its never too late to mend so coming back on track..this blog will be my daily journal a track of events that have happened in my life and will happen in my life to come and off course my musings,thoughts on different things,life,relationships..etc etc..

So to introduce myself once and for all i am a twenty something girl or should i say twenty five something thats more closer:) trying to live my life in my own way not wanting to succumb to pressures that society lays on all of us..I have my own reasons and beliefs for doing things and i believe as long as i am not doing anyone wrong i have full right to live this one life given to us by the almighty to the fullest...
More about me in the days to come..
bye for now
tc